Sarah's birthday.... it's just hard

Today is a bitter sweet day for me.  Sweet because it is the day, 8 years ago, that I met our youngest daughter Sarah Rose.  We feel it is a privilege to have her as part of our family.  We have come a long way and every year my heart hurts because she isn't here today to celebrate her life and this day is a reminder of all that we have missed with her.  We have tried to gain as much as we can from what has happened.  Since it has happened and we can't change it we pray we can make the most of it (I think that helps us not focus on how much we've missed).



Grief feels different at different times, her birthday is a trigger for it.  This summer I was in the Pacific Ocean, which off of Northern California can be pretty chilly.  I went in the water up to my shoulders, it was so cold that it took my breath away.  I hopped over 1-2 waves then realized I couldn't take the cold.  I was having a hard time taking a deep breath and the cold felt like it was squishing my chest- it actually felt like it could be dangerous so I got out.

 I feel that way with grief.  It will literally take my breath away- I need to address it -ride the wave- and let it be (aka cry) and then I can get out of the depths of it.  Yes I still felt cold after I got out of the ocean but I was able to warm up from the sun and a towel.  I still feel the grief of losing Sarah but I can feel warmth from it.  The warmth is the HOPE that I have that I will see her sweet little face again.  Happy Birthday sweet, chubs!