And then it hits you...

Growing up my dad was always a little on the eccentric side, not in a cool way, more on the embarrassing side.  He always had a project, nothing like build a new bookcase or mantel, more like let's see if I can build a man powered airplane, helicopter or build a flying car.  He spent hours and hours in our garage doing it, hours and hours of us kids helping, but again, not in a I am learning something cool and new kind of way".   We felt more like he was taking us away from something better, pure child labor in our little minds.   Another weirdish thing my dad would do is video tape us walking to school.  He would park down the street in our baby blue with wood paneling station wagon, get out our big old video camera (which was a two piece camera at that time), zoom in and video as we strolled to school.   I was in elementary school, so I didn't care much...I do feel bad for my siblings who walked with their friends to Junior high and High school.  I just chalked that up to another one of the goofing weirdish things my dad did. 

My dad working on his helicopter.

Today is the last day of school for my kids.  My daughter will be attending middle school next year (sniff sniff).  As we were walking to the bus stop for the last time this morning I whipped out my camera and took video of her walking  I wanted to video our street, her with her friends at the bus stop, capture this moment...then it hit me- I'm doing one of those weirdish things my dad did.  My dad never was one to really bond with any of us kids-even with those hours spent in the garage helping him.  I honestly don't think he knew how and he did the best he could.  Like me, he wanted to capture moments on video.  I think those moment were his way to do something with us and create a memory for him.  He wasn't going to have memories of us laughing, talking or having fun together but he was going to have captured memories of us being kids. 

When I realized I was doing a "dad" thing, I got kind of scared.  Am I clueless to who I really am, am I this weirdish person... (don't answer that).  Then it hit me, I don't care if I am weird.  I care if I have moments and memories beyond a video camera with my kids.  It's moments like playing speed before school with the kids, listening to Aaron give 1000 details about his playdates, listening to Janie get excited about a book she is reading, cuddling with the kids, talking to them and answering their questions.  My dad just didn't have the skill set to even know how to do this.  I think most of the time (like all of us) he tried his hardest.  For good or bad I can learn from my dad in trying my best, not only to bond with my kids, but to make sure they feel that bond.

We'll see in 20 years if my son or daughter is writing a blog about their weirdish mom.  Here is the video I took this morning: